Critters at the Keyboard . . . .: Fear and Loathing in 2013

This is this months post for the AW blog chain.

This month's prompt:
The Number 13

With 2013 upon us, now is the time to thirteen it up. Anything from "Happy New Year 2013" to "Triskaidekaphobia" and all points in between!

I thought about this, doesn’t 2013 just feel odd? For some reason 2013 feels like the title to SicFi or horror book.

2013: Thirteen things to fear!

1.) Writing a check and not putting 2013 on it. Not that I write that many checks anymore, everything’s electronic these days, but I know I am going to do it. I will write 2012 for at least a month before my brain realizes that it is 2013.

2.) Reality TV shows. A good number of them are on this new break thing and will be returning in 2013. I am already dreading it.

3.) New shoes. Yes, my shoes have finally reached the stage that duct tape can no longer fix them and I must buy new ones. I hate this process, I can never find ones that don’t bother my feet, I should just become a naturalist and stop wearing shoes all together. Maybe I could star on Dual Survival with Cody Lundin.

4.) Bacon shortage. Forget the zombies. Forget a global pandemic, what happens if we run out of bacon? No more bacon double cheeseburgers, no more bacon and eggs, no more bacon chocolate . . . wait, okay, well, maybe that one would be okay. But what would we do without Bakon Vodka? (And I don’t know about you, but begg’n strips just won’t cut it)

5.) My trash bags no longer fit my kitchen garbage can. In the spirit of everything else shrinking, like the size of a TP roll, that they will decide to make my kitchen trash bags smaller (but in the same size box!) and I will be left puzzling over why they no longer fit the can.

6.) More limited edition flavors. What is it with this stuff? They put out a candy bar, a milk shake, or even a sandwich and then call it a limited edition. What do they think I am going to do? Run out an buy millions of it to squirrel away and sell on ebay later as a limited edition? (NRB?)

7.) Gas prices. Need I elaborate?

8.) Taking down the Christmas tree. Yes, okay, it is still up. I hate the chore of taking it back down, it fun to put up, but taking it down is boring and time consuming. And then there is that ehco in the room when it’s gone. (Helloooooo, why is my room so bare now?)

9.) NYC soft drink laws spread across the country. I am responsible for my own spare tire thank you very much. The government needs to stay out of what I eat and drink, as far as my choices go. What’s next, deciding that my ass is to large for my sofa, so forcing me to buy a new one in a smaller size to make me aware my ass is size large?

10.) Touch screen everything! I like my touch screen phone, however, the touch screen laptops have something to be desired. I have a bottle of screen cleaner right on my desk. Do you know how often I have to clean my screen the way it is now? I’d be cleaning it every 5 minutes if I had a touch screen one. While editing I’d be wondering why the author used orange to mark . . . oh, wait, that Cheetos cheese.

11.) Wal-mart will finally put the last of its competitors out of business. I will them be forced to buy whatever brand they got on sale and the only one they have on their shelves. I tried to by toilet bowl cleaner once and the only thing they had were those toilet wand things—if they worked by magic that would be great, but I kind of doubt that it the case.

12.) Direct TV no longer having AMC. What would I do without the Walking Dead? I have to know what happens next. What about the governor? What happens to Rick? Does he keep losing it?

13.) The toilet seat. Yes, the toilet seat. Let me explain. We have one of those solid oak seats. And one day doing what one does on a toilet seat, and needing to use the aforementioned smaller roll, I reached to take care of things and . . . Jammed a sliver of solid oak under my finger nail. Yes, under my middle finger nail. Now, lets not even mention the pain, and the dripping blood (okay, it was splattering all over the place) but how in the same heck did that happen? One of those things that you couldn’t repeat if you had a script and a director. Then, staring at that matchstick wide sliver under the nail and knowing I had to pull it out . . . Yes, I have good reason to fear the toilet seat in 2013, or until I replace the darn thing.

15 comments:

AutumnJanuary 9, 2013 at 5:27 PM
I've already done #1, making a 3 out of a 2 is not so easy. I dread #8, but the idea of #4 made me rush to my freezer, yes still have a pound in there. If I were you, I'd opt for the toilet seat before the new shoes. Ouch. Great post.
UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 7:29 AM
For real! Why do they have 13 gallon trash bags and then the only size after that is 30 gallons? There's nothing in between? Really? I'm sick and tired of my trash bag sides taking a leap into the trash when something heavier than a wet paper towel is dropped onto the bottom.
RafaelJanuary 10, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Happy New Year? ;)

:D
krystal janeJanuary 11, 2013 at 7:32 PM
Yeah, I did the whole touchscreen computer thing. No thank you. High-Def picture doesn't look so great through a layer of finger-print smudges...thus I stopped touching the screen, rendering the screen obsolete...not to mention the hideous grainy-texture of the screen that also renders the HD screen unenjoyable. End rant. ^_^
UnknownJanuary 13, 2013 at 8:47 AM
THE BACON MUST SURVIVE
randi leeJanuary 15, 2013 at 10:22 AM
What's up with no bacon!? I'd have already walked off a cliff if that were the case. Very interesting twist on the assignment!
~Charity~January 15, 2013 at 1:48 PM
Very entertaining. I'd say that toilet seat has to go...
HistorySleuthJanuary 21, 2013 at 10:36 AM
Like my daughter always says, "Who doesn't like bacon?" I can't imagine. I thought of Honey Boo Boo right away when you mentioned TV. Ugh. And all I can say about the toilet seat is your damn lucky you didn't get stuck in the ass. Can you imagine having to ask someone to pull it out? Good post.
Connie B. DowellJanuary 22, 2013 at 7:21 PM
I agree; limited edition flavors are frustrating. I guess it's a way of test marketing new flavors--they can always make them permanent if they're popular enough--but it almost makes me not want to try them, in case I do like them and they disappear.
AnonymousJanuary 23, 2013 at 5:38 AM
lol. Bacon shortage - I love that one.
AnonymousFebruary 2, 2013 at 2:43 PM
#1: I don't think the dates on checks even matter that much, as long as the date is before the bill is due. So no putting 2014 on those pay stubs just yet!

#9: Agreed. It's not like you can get "second-hand fat" from it; even as I try to give up or cut down on (admittedly diet) soft drinks, they can take my (theoretical) pop when they pry it out of my cold unconscious fingers in the dentist chair.
StandingOnEdge BlogFebruary 18, 2013 at 3:50 AM
Hi! Have you ever noticed, have your writting skills gone any better so far?

Pages

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Fear and Loathing in 2013

15 comments: