Late night infomercials. I am a night owl, not even really a night owl, I don’t sleep more than 4 hours a day or night, so I am often drawn to the TV at odd hours. The things they try to sell the late night TV watcher. Clear skin seems to be a big one, get rid of age spots and acne scars . . . Shouldn’t that be, get rid of dark under eye circles? Look awake and refreshed? Seal leaks of all kinds, look we made a boat out of a screen door with this stuff, now available in white, I don’t know about you, but when I am up at 2 AM--I am not thinking of fixing my leaking rain gutters, maybe they should have sold this stuff to the folks on the Titanic? No life boats needed, here grab a can of this stuff and make your own life boat?
And the exercise, or should I say no exercise, gadgets. The magic belt that melts your middle away, the electric shock your muscles into contractions belt . . . maybe that’s how those wrestlers look so good, that belt does resemble the WWF championship belts. If these things worked, everyone in America would have a 20 inch waist for 3 payments of only $39.95, plus shipping of course.
Then there are the endless ones for weed whackers. I don’t know about you, but unless you are my weird neighbor, I’m not thinking about yard work at 2 AM either. The one I saw last night featured this disk with several strands of line on it, looked like a modern rendition of the cat-o-nine tails--circular style. The claim is these strands will never break, (but they do include a life time supply of them) they cut a board with them, then they cut a can with them, and chop a chunk out of a block of concrete with this thing. Okay. Yessss, sir, Bob, that will cut any blade of grass in the world!
Wait? It cuts bricks, concrete, wood, and metal?
I don’t know about you, but I rarely use my weedwhacker in the middle of the yard with only other deadly blades of grass around. I want to use this by my walk way—my concrete walkway. Or around my shed—my wood shed. Or around and along the bottom of my fence—my metal chain link fence. I want to use it around my planter boxes—my brick planter boxes.
Anyone see an issue here? Maybe they should include this in every fireman’s rescue kit, right there next to the jaws of life. It cuts through anything! And the people using it, look so happy, they never sweat, or huff and puff, or get stung by bees . . .
Pass the remote—next infomercial please.