Saturday, October 20, 2012

Out of the dryer . . . or find me a coat hanger

Jeans. Blue Jeans. Levis.  Good old fashioned Blue Jeans. What ever happened to them?  These days it seems that every ad I see for Jeans are not really Jeans at all but stretch pants made to look like jeans. Point one, Jeans don’t snag.  Who the heck wants jeans that snag?  Yup, I want to go out on a wildlife run and bump a cage against my leg and have little white loops of elastic sticking out of my jeans. Or better yet, get a rip in those suckers and you better hope you are not going commando because they are going to rip faster than paper in shredder—what ever happened to the hole in the jeans that just sorta frayed at the edges? You could write on them if you were bored, slash then across the knee is you were going horseback riding to make knees more comfortable . . .

I miss real jeans that lasted for years and years. Not a few months. 

And fur, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the new, flatter your figure, with tummy tuck panel, “jeans” attract fur and lint like crazy.  I never needed a lint roller with my old jeans.  Brush your hands down them and poof whatever was stuck on them was gone. You could camp for days in one pair of jeans and they still looked good.

Remember lying on the bed so you could zip your jeans?  Pass the coat hanger, please, I need to zip my pants.  Now you don’t even know what size to get, not just because the sizes have changed, but because you take them out of the dryer and they fit rather nice, but 2 hours later you don’t even need to unbutton them to use the bathroom.  How does that slim you?  Old jeans hid flaws, you put them on slightly damp and poof a real lasting tummy tuck.

Now, I thought what about men’s jeans, surely they haven’t joined the elastic revolution.  (Seriously, how would these things survive a zombie apocalypse?) (Oh, wait, I can’t behead this zombie, my pants just fell down because they get bigger as the day goes on.)  Anyway, the men’s department, nothing like a man in 501 button fly jeans—or almost out of them.

And guess what, even a lot of men’s jeans are now touted as having “comfort fabric.”

But I did discover that they still make 501’s.  Maybe I’ll just hang out in the men’s department for awhile . . . 


  1. Enjoyed reading your post. I remember lying on the floor with all my girlfriends, zipping up our pants after trying for a long time to get our feet through the leg hole at the bottom because we sewed them so tight. And 501's are now so expensive, you can hardly afford them for your kids or yourself.

  2. I'm so with you on this one, Shawn. I don't remember my jeans bagging on me in high school. The size they were when I put them on in the morning were they size they were when I took them off at night. Now, I'm constantly having to pull my pants up. It's annoying!

  3. So funny, yet so sad. Seems like I'm not the only one yanking up my pants like an old coot. Women shouldn't need suspenders. You’re right about the fuzz too; avoid black jeans like the plague now.

  4. One of my pairs of jeans is starting to look worn and ragged, and I know a wardrobe malfunction is just WAITING to happen below one of the back pockets. I've had this pair for a couple years, and I'm not looking forward to replacing them because of all the reasons you mentioned!

  5. I did make the mistake of getting black "jeans" this last time, ones my daughter picked up for me . . . Right out of the bag they had fuzz. UGH!