Thursday, October 25, 2012

Burning questions . . . or zombie cows?

This month's prompt for the AW blog chain

Ghouls, ghost and things that go bump in the night. Old Hallows Eve, Dia de los Muertos and Halloween. October is the month where the veil between our world and the Other thins. So this month is about those things beyond our world, be they scary, funny or anything in between. Write wherever the prompt inspires you,fiction or non-fiction, prose or poetry.

For some reason my DVR decided I do not need to watch The Walking Dead this season. I sat down the other night to get caught up on the first two episodes.  As I head to the bottom of my list, I see that The Talking Dead has recorded twice.  Who knew the dead could talk, and not just the air escaping as the body decomposes!

I get to the bottom of the list and, hey, don’t you think there should be more programs that start with W,  X,  Y or Z so that The Walking Dead isn’t at the bottom, and why isn’t it up there with the other T shows? THE Walking Dead? Anyway, I kept thinking something was wrong with the remote—why wouldn’t the list scroll down so I could get to it?

It wasn’t the remote. It didn’t record.  I was seriously upset, zombie half rotted away, crawling across the city park upset, reallllyyyy???

Okay, not that upset, but it did  merit a, well, shit.  So I took some time and set up the episodes to record at a different time.  Isn’t it nice that you can now watch your favorite TV shows six times in one day, the same episode? The land of zombie TV.

I did catch a little of the Talking Dead, it’s listed under the T’s for THE Talking Dead.  I think I’d like to be on that show, or at least have the time to call in.

Here’s what I’d ask - - -

  1. Why don’t zombies eat each other?  Isn’t this a logical question? I mean they are mindless creatures ravaging the land for unsuspecting humans to eat, or a cow peacefully munching grass, or a deer, or a squirrel, or Uncle Dave’s boot—so why don’t they eat each other? Maybe zombies don’t taste good to other zombies?
  2. How do zombies survive the winter?  Obviously they don’t have circulation, or go to LL Bean and buy some winter gear, so how is it they don’t freeze to death—umm, err, freeze into a zombie ice pop?
  3. Why after the zombie apocalypse are the houses boarded up, cars scattered everywhere, papers flying around, but the grass is short?  All the grass in any of the towns is like it was mowed yesterday.  Trees and weeds have not started growing in the streets and gutters—how can this be?  Perhaps the virus that started it was caused by overuse of Round-Up? Are there zombie goats and cows we never see?
  4. Why don’t they use flame throwers to kill them?  I know if I was going to kill a zombie I’d want it to be a long distance kill. I guess flame throwers just aren’t as bad ass as using a sword or a machete.  Take that, and I was in no danger at all, just doesn’t have the needed drama.

I have other questions as well, but I just remembered, I think I have AMC on demand . . . .

Flammenwerfer contributed by a blog reader!
Thank you!

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  1. 1) I would assume that zombies taste like rotten food, and even zombies have standards.

    2) I think they're cold/freezing to begin with, so they don't notice the low temperatures.

    3)...Yeah, you got me there. I refer you to the high standards in point #1. The zombies need an aesthetically pleasing environment in which to wreak havoc!

    4) Should the zombies come for me, I shall be equipped with my flammenwerfer. It werfs flammen!

    1. Okay, I love the flammenwerfer! Yup, I need one of those too. Adding it to the blog so everyone can enjoy its zombie killing joy!

    2. Hee hee, awesome! There are very few problems that the flammenwerfer cannot solve.

  2. Point #1 - I was just thinking the same thing earlier today. If zombies eat people then no one would turn into a zombie - you'd just be dinner. If they eat each other, they'd solve their problem on their own. I guess logical consistency is too much to ask from zombies, vampires, and politicians.

  3. . . . and politicians. Love that one. Zombie for prez folks--we have a winner, they don't swing your vote they just eat your brain . . wait, I think my brain has already been eaten with all the political ads!

  4. Am glad I ventured in. Nice touch with this month's prompt. Haha @ great sense of humor poking fun at politicians.

  5. Even if I were a zombie, I'd not want to eat rotten food. My food would have to be fresh. However, I don't think I'd just tear right in. I would like my humans kabob style or barbecue maybe...


    Good questions. This was super funny!

    1. I think they tear right in because most of them have holes where their stomach should be, so everything falls out. The Zombie super diet, that's why you never see a fat zombie. Think I only saw one fat zombie in all the zombie movies I have watched, the one where they are in the mall and they have the woman in the wheel barrow - -

  6. Reminds me of my "Zombies Don't Work for Me" post. Except I forgot about the grass. :D

  7. I bet a flame thrower doesn't last long though. Be a problem if a herd of zombies was coming at you and you ran out of fuel.

  8. Yeah, I'd definitely want a flame thrower for the zombie apocalypse. And I think the reason zombies don't eat each other is because they only like to eat living things. :-)

  9. I wonder what burning zombie would smell like? Nasty, I bet!

  10. LOL . . . Awesome post! And really great questions. Funny, how I never thought about things like the grass getting cut. I bet zombies don't eat each other because they taste bad.

  11. 1. The zombies seek the brains of the living. The brains of the dead just don't cut it, since they're empty of anything but shambling and brainlust.

    2. Brains are warm. Eating them warms zombies up. Hence their demented brainlust only increases during the winter months,

    3. Two reasons. One: filming zombie movies in locations that have a paid groundskeeper. Two: zombie groundskeepers riding mowers of doom over grass and pedestrian alike. Guess which I prefer?

    4. Your average lootable gun store doesn't carry flamethrowers since you need an ATF license to posses one. But you'd think improvised ones like a zippo taped to hairspray would be more popular.

    1. HAHA on the zippo taped to a hairspray can! Love that image.